Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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