No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
