omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
