You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize