and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
