My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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