I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How does one acquire holy water?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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