Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
