I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This baby is an asshole
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
