How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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