My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
