hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
