I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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