Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
