woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
