I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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