don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
