how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
