She's JV to your varsity
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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