I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
