Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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