I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Operation Purity has been aborted
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
