People in love make me want to vomit
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize