You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
