Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
