Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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