One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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