I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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