I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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