She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
