The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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