Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize