i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
please come you make the beer taste better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
