I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
