walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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