i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize