Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
