White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
