Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize