I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But theres a keg here and me gusta
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize