just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
