All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
