sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
