I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
