So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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