repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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