i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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