I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
