Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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