Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
