I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
