11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
