I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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