Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
