well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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