idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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