sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My ATM looks so different sober.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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