Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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