he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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