I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
