I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
false alarm. still invincible.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize