i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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