somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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