Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
