people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
