Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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