Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
