I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
