She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
