White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
