So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
