what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
