I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She's the barista slut.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
