I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so much tequila, so little girl.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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