i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
