have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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