Do you still have your period?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
