yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
