I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
