go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
