I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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