after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
