im holly from the hills drunk
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
