I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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