How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
