Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
