foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
