You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
