did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
