Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
