So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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