my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize