she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
