I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
