Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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