Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
