i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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