I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
