My sheets look like a crime scene.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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